Coaching Blog

On September 11th, 2001, all my New York City clients canceled. My coach, in California, also canceled. I canceled a cardiac stress test, because all day my heart was pounding. My coaching school continued classes.

Like everyone in the US, my thoughts were primarily about the calamitous attacks on NYC and Washington DC. Although, as a New Yorker, the World Trade Center attack loomed larger for me,

At the time, I was studying to become a coach while running a busy personal training business. After 9/11, I wasn't sure ideas like "live your best life" made sense, anymore. I was afraid I would lose my personal training clients and that nobody would want to coach with me, because the world seemed completely different. What mattered before seemed utopian. What mattered now was a much uglier side of life.

I was wrong.

After we rescheduled, I told my coach I was thankful my coaching school continued classes on 9/11, because for one hour, on a perfectly horrific day, I did something normal. God, that felt good.

My point is this: Don't assume you know what people will want, in this world of disasters, because what they want will surprise you.

My coach gave me an assignment: to get my first coaching client. Geeze, in this environment?

Gradually, my business got up and running again. My clients told me harrowing stories that had happened to them. One, who worked near the World Trade Center, had had to walk down forty flights of stairs to escape. Another, who worked further away, watched as people jumped from the blaze. Everyone had lost someone.

To my surprise, they all told me they were more committed than ever to working out, because they realized, in this new normal, that they needed to be fit to survive. One of them asked if he could be my first coaching client.

I didn't even need to market; my first coaching client volunteered. He stayed with me for seven years.

Millions of New Yorkers changed after 9/11. In the most capitalistic city in the most capitalistic country, people started putting values ahead of profits and family ahead of achievement. They turned to coaches to help them define their callings and life purpose, and to designed their legacies. Coaching boomed, because there was a new need for it.

Today, I teach coaches from around the world via webinars. Many are from North America, where this summer, the northwest is aflame with hundreds of forest fires, while the southeast is hammered by monster hurricanes and biblical floods. Some of my students complain in class about smoke, while others share fears about finding clients in devastated cities, while still others leave class early to evacuate their homes. Now that Climate Change is well underway, this is the new normal. Terrorism probably won't go away, but it has epic competition.

Can you coach in this environment? Yes, you must. People need you more than ever.

Give people time to get back into their homes and to restart. They're not ready to coach while they're in shelters and hotel rooms, or hospitals, or funeral homes.

This is not a suggestion to capitalize on misery. It's a reminder that coaching helps people, so don't pull back, thinking they won't want you. Don't bombard people with sales offers. Do be willing to listen. Do be willing to help, if you can. Be willing to waive or lower a fee for some clients.

One helpful way to reframe a disaster is to focus on the people who help, because they inspire us. Coaches can also be helpers when people are ready to think about what they want the rest of their lives to be like.

In this age of disasters, coaching is needed more than ever. You're needed more than ever.

In my career as a coach trainer and mentor coach, I've known some amazing coaches who changed many lives, but I've also seen some embarrassing rookie mistakes and made a few, myself.

Some mistakes keep popping up on my radar, so here's the blog post i think about writing whenever I see one. I hope it helps!

5 Rookie Mistake New Life Coaches Should Never Make:

1. Using a personal email address as a business address. The address you use with family and friends, such as FredWilmaAndPebbles@aol.com,  may fail to address the bedrock issue in business credibility: your professionalism. Don't communicate that you're an amateur by using a family address. And MissFancyPants1986@hotmail.com may be your flirty way of expressing yourself on eHarmony, but it's TMI for business. Use your name and no one else's, or use your business name. Alternatively, tell people what you do with your address. One of my first was, ICoach121@optimum.net. Of course, having your own web address is a bit more impressive. Another early address I used was coach@YourLifePart2.com.

2. Getting a website before you're ready. A professional-looking email address is a must. A website probably can wait. In the meantime, a robust profile on one or more coach directories will do and/or social media profiles or pages. In fact, these  provide feedback on what people respond to, so it's an awesome way to learn what will work for your website. Otherwise, you're likely to have a site that doesn't really represent you or your business. I knew a new coach who lived on Maui, whose coaching was about building thriving relationships, but the main image on her website was a single leafless tree in a frigid winter landscape. What? Most successful coaches take between a year and three years to get their first website. Get to know your business self, your clients, and what communicates what you do, effectively. No rush.

3. Quitting your job at the wrong time. I've had coaching students who quit their jobs the week after they joined my school. I love their confidence and commitment, but they tend to struggle. Coaches take between 3 months and 5 years to fill their coaching practices. With Coach 100, it takes between 6 months and a year. That's a long time to go without a full-time income. On the flip side, I've known coaches who hung on to their jobs too long. One excellent coach had a quarter of a million dollars in financial reserves, but still too nervous to make the leap. A big part of what coaches do is help clients get over the fears that prevent success, so get your own coach, if you're feeling stuck. On the other hand, if you're ultra-risk-adverse, consider coaching within a large organization, if that helps you feel more stable.

4. Not getting your own coach. How can you call yourself a coach, if you've never been coached? More to the point, how will you know to make smart rookie choices, if the only coaches you talk to are other rookies? You need your own coach, period. Think of it as a business deduction. Find your coach here.

5. Not getting training. There are still a couple of old timers who tell rookie coaches that they don't need training, but that's not fair to rookies. 20-30 years ago, there was no training, but a few talented people invented coaching, anyway. The rest of us have Thomas Leonard to thank for putting coaching on the map and starting the first coach training school and international coaching association. Like having your own coach, getting coach training flattens your learning curve, helps you make smarter choices, and contributes to your success. Coaches with training become successful quicker and are less likely to quit the profession. Don't take my word for it. Ask your coach.

Don't make rookie mistakes. Get the free Become a Coach eBook:

Last week , I posted an article about The Future of Coaching: How the Internet is Causing the Rise of Coaching.

It shows how changes in technology are driving the demand of professional Coaching. So I thought you might be interested in where coaching is, right now, according to the 2016 Global Coaching Survey by the International Coach Federation (ICF). It's the largest coaching survey to date.

Watch this awesome 4-minute video on Professional Coaching Today from the ICF:

Professional Coaching Today from ICF Headquarters.

Interested in becoming a coach? Get the free eBook Now:

If you want to become a coach, you have a thousand questions, which add up to: Will I love being a coach? Will I really be able to help my coaching clients grow and reach their goals? Can I truly make it as a coach? Sometimes, even veteran coaches revisit these types of questions when they sense it's time to make changes in their lives or businesses.

And there seem to be thousands of experts who are happy to step in and provide answers to your questions, but do they really know you and your deepest dreams? That's why often a life, business, or mentor coach can be your greatest supporter, because s/he will help you find the answers that most fit for you, rather than convince you that you need to fit your dreams to someone else's template for success.

Don't get me wrong, sometimes you need information more than you need a coach, such as when you're striking out on a completely unknown path and have no idea where to start. At those times, an experienced friend, consultant, training program, or even a book, can be life-changing. But here's something you need to know...

Most of the time, what a coach really needs to succeed is personal growth.

What is personal growth? It's growing in the direction of your full potential (or potentials). Most people (probably all) who become coaches, have an inexorable drive to grow, as do the people who hire coaches. Our clients need us to be growing and they're naturally attracted to the growing coach who seems to have what they want.

Unfortunately, most coaches don't have as much personal growth as they need or they don't have the support they need to maintain it. We are most attractive to growth-minded clients when we are growing, ourselves, but growth is much more important than just attracting desirable coaching clients.

A Growth Mindset (Dweck, 2006) is critical to everything we do as coaches, so is Positivity (Fredrickson, 2009), passion and perseverance (Duckworth, 2016), and emotional intelligence (David, 2016). When we put these elements together intelligently, we get wisdom. In traditional societies, people rely on their elders for wisdom. In modern societies, they turn to experts, but most experts are in the advice-giving business. Which brings us back to coaching...

A wise coach will help you establish great self care, first and foremost, because getting our physical needs met, as well as our most pressing emotional needs, allows us to be present and open to growth (Maslow, 1962). From there, clients are ready to begin becoming who they need to be to realize their most heartfelt goals.

If being a successful coach and helping your clients reach their dreams is a heartfelt goal for you, you owe it to yourself and your clients to master the tools of self care and growth.

This Thursday, I'll be talking about the tools we need to succeed at anything in Success and the Gritty Coach, a deep dive into Angela Duckworth's surprising theory of passion and perseverance (a.k.a. Grit), as one of the most important tools for any type of achievement, plus how this theory integrates with the work of other thinkers and researchers and how to apply it in coaching.

We could have just as easily called it, Coaching Success: The Path of the Wise Coach.

Classes like this one are usually not free, but this one is open to everyone at no charge.

Master the tools of coaching success. Register for FREE here:

One of the most common questions we get about the Certified Positive Psychology Coach® Program is, "How do I apply?" In the past, application was made primarily by telephone interview, so we could determine, along with the applicant, whether the program was the right fit and whether the coach qualified for advanced placement. It's still possible to apply this way, but it seems to take too long, so we're streamlining the process.

You can now apply to the Certified Positive Psychology Coach® program via an online application. It's currently free to apply and only takes a few minutes.

A few other important questions about becoming a Certified Positive Psychology Coach®:

- Is this program approved by an internationally recognized coaching association?

Yes, the Certified Positive Psychology Coach® Program is Approved by the ICF (International Coach Federation) for 125 hours and it's licensed by the IAC (International Association of Coaches).

- Will I be prepared to coach professionally when I graduate from the Certified Positive Psychology Coach® program?

Yes, this is a training program for professional coaches that integrates advanced coach training with positive psychology from start to finish. 

- Do I have to wait to join?

No. New modules start every month, so we have rolling enrollment.

- What is included in this program?

Everything you need to graduate and get certified is included: classes, recordings, written materials, tests, certificates, research papers and articles, study groups, business tools, and your Certified Positive Psychology Coach® credential. We also recommend a variety of related books and other media, but you're not required to buy anything extra.

- I live in Europe (or Africa, Asia, Oceania), do you have classes I can attend?

Yes, our courses are taught via live interactive webinars and you can access them via any internet-connected device or via telephone (we have "local" phone numbers for 18 countries). If you miss a class, you can watch the recorded video. Our class schedule is between 10am - 10PM Eastern/NY Time and our students literally are from all over the world! That said, classes are small and students get to know each other well and become good friends. View upcoming classes here.

- How much does the program cost?

Current tuition is listed here. You can save 10% if you choose to pay your tuition in advance.

More FAQs about this program are here.

Want to apply to become a Certified Positive Psychology Coach®? Click below:

What’s the difference between life coaching and psychotherapy? This is a common question from new coaching students. And that’s a good thing; it suggests they really care about providing an ethically and legally sound service.

And if you’re thinking about hiring a life coach or therapist, you certainly want to know the difference. I hope this article is helpful to both coaches and clients and maybe even to therapists.

Fifteen to twenty years ago, when coaching was still new, life coaches were sometimes accused of “practicing therapy without a license”. But today coaching is well established as a separate, if confusingly similar, profession.

And it’s no surprise people confuse psychotherapy with coaching. Both professional services involve personal development and are usually delivered in one-to-one or small-group conversations. But beyond that, they’re practiced in a huge variety of ways and there is quite a bit of overlap. It’s worth noting also that definitions of therapy and coaching vary somewhat around the world.

It sometimes seems nobody agrees on the real distinctions between life coaching and psychotherapy.

For instance, last Friday I read a blog post that defines positive therapy, a type of psychotherapy that that uses positive psychology interventions, this way: “It’s about shifting from today’s accepted standard of ‘doing OK’ into the fullness of our human potential and flourishing.” That’s an excellent definition of coaching.

Which reminds me of something fellow coach, Barbra Sundquist, once said (paraphrased): The problem isn’t that coaches are doing therapy; the problem is that therapists are doing coaching!

So okay, enough with the problem. Let’s get to some answers.

Rather than just present my own opinions, I did a little research (Full disclosure: I will never-the-less present my opinions further down).

One of the best-known articles on coaching vs therapy is in Choice, a popular coaching magazine, written by Patrick Williams, who specializes in teaching coaching skills to therapists. This seems like a good place to start.

Williams’ distinctions between life coaching and therapy are very similar to what I was taught in coaching school fifteen years ago and I mostly agree.

To paraphrase Williams, therapy deals with dysfunction and trauma. A therapist diagnoses the problem and uses their expertise to promote healing. Emotions are seen as symptoms. Progress involves exploring the past and may be slow and painful. Meanwhile, coaching clients tend to be healthy and are a looking to upgrade good to great. Coaches don’t diagnose illnesses and healing is not the objective. Emotions are normal. The coach is an equal partner with the client; focus is on the present and future; and progress tends to be quick and enjoyable.

Pretty straight forward, huh? Only, increasingly, I’ve noticed therapists challenging these distinctions rather vociferously. Some say therapy clients can be healthy to begin with, that focus doesn’t have to be on the past and progress can be quick and even enjoyable. So are they doing therapy or coaching?

Some say it doesn’t matter.

There’s an amusing article on this topic in Psychology Today by Michael Bader. I say, “amusing”, because I enjoy folks who have the audacity to challenge the status quo. Bader’s subtitle is, “Coaches and therapists make too big a deal about their differences”.

I agree. Up to a point.

Bader says he chooses his tools according to what individual clients need. If they need to delve into the past, he goes there; if they’re ready to move ahead quickly, he assists. That to me sounds like someone who’s mastered his craft and can easily improvise, as needed. Whether you work with a therapist or a coach, choose a master, if you can.

Bader goes on to say the only true difference between therapists and coaches is that therapists understand why coaching works, but coaches don’t understand why therapy works. I’d challenge that. Well-trained coaches understand very well why either works.

Here’s my opinion on the real difference between life coaching and psychotherapy: it all boils down to responsibility. And that matters. A lot.

In nearly every country on the planet, governments hold psychotherapists responsible by requiring them to meet educational and licensing standards. This is appropriate, because people who seek therapy often are significantly distressed and may be somewhat impaired in their judgment. They seek the expertise of therapists to help “fix” whatever they perceive is wrong.

On the other hand, in virtually every country on the planet, governments do not require specific educational and licensing standards for coaches. This too is appropriate because coaches don’t fix anyone. We specifically work with clients who are healthy enough to take full responsibility for their lives and simply want a partner who, for a limited time, will assist them to make big changes. Coaches may be experts in transformation, but their clients are experts on their own lives. Putting clients in the driver’s seat is, itself, transformative.

A good therapist is an expert who plays his cards well. A good coach may also be an expert, but he lays all his cards on the table and invites the client to choose which ones to play.

This doesn’t mean coaches aren’t responsible for anything. Chiefly they are responsible inviting their clients to be great. They also have a responsibility to distinguish themselves from therapists, because they aren’t legally sanctioned to practice therapy. This is more challenging as therapists move closer to coaching.

And it’s not surprising that more therapists are taking a coach approach to therapy, because coaching has been tremendously successful.

But for the record, regardless how therapists define themselves, coaching does NOT focus on dysfunction, diagnosis, symptoms or the past. It’s about healthy people being their very best. Being responsible is way easier when you're at your best.

That said, an ethical coach will observe when a client needs therapy instead of, or in addition to, coaching and will recommend accordingly. In my opinion, a good therapist will observe when a client is ready to take greater responsibility for their own life and will recommend coaching, if that’s what’s best.

So if you’re thinking of working with a life coach or a psychotherapist, ask yourself how distressed you are currently and whether you want someone else to take responsibility for helping you progress, or do you want to be responsible for your own life and want a partner who facilitates your greatness.

If you’re thinking about becoming a life coach or psychotherapist, ask yourself: Do you want to be an expert who is responsible for your clients, or do you want to support clients who are responsible for themselves?

So what say you? Am I full of hogwash or do you agree that responsibility is the key difference between life coaching and psychotherapy? I’d especially like to hear from therapists and counselors who are studying at School of Coaching Mastery.

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