Coaching Blog

One week ago, today, School of Coaching Mastery quietly closed its doors for a much-anticipated event: Adele's last show at Madison Square Garden in New York City. My daughter and Office Manager, Jessie Stewart, and I had scored tickets last November for the sold-out show and traveled together to our former hometown for a little R&R and to see our favorite singer.

Adele did not disappoint!

As I made my way home from NYC I reflected on my takeaways from the event. Delightfully, there were many.

5 Coaching Lessons Learned from Adele at Madison Square Garden:

1. Be yourself. Adele models this better than anyone. She spent two hours alone onstage in front of over 18,000 people. No warm-up band, no spectacular floor show, no dancing, no pyrotechnics, just one woman in a modest dress and THAT VOICE. Her songs sounded just as sublime as all her records and between them, she told hysterical stories. As Jessie's friend, Meg, said after the show, Adele probably could have a career in stand-up comedy. She is enough as she is. So are you.

2. Hold out for what you really want when it matters, but settle for good enough when it doesn't. Researchers say that people who always want the best are less happy than people who settle for good enough. This probably is true most of the time, but in my experience, holding out for what you really want when it matters is key. Adele was what I really wanted. A fancy hotel room at inflated NYC prices? Not so much. As my mom always said, nobody stays in their room, anyway. So we found a hotel several blocks from MSG with fewer stars and better reviews, were perfectly happy with it, and spent the extra money on heavenly meals.

3. Take happiness breaks. I rarely take days off from work, except when I'm enrolled in a course. But if you want to do your best work, get out of the office occasionally and do something special. We went to NYC at the perfect time. The temperature was ideal, humidity low, no clouds. Our first day, we walked over six miles just enjoying the West Village, SOHO, NOHO, etc. The second day, we went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. By then, we were walked out and took a cab all the way back to the hotel, exhausted but happy.

4. Step out of your comfort zone. As awesome as Adele's show was, one of the most unique few minutes came before we even entered MSG. One member of our party couldn't make it, which left us with an extra ticket for a show that had been sold out for months. I didn't know whether to give it away or sell it, but I knew if I sold it, I wanted to get at least as much as I paid, which was a bit over $100. As we approached the Garden, I heard a scalper yell, "Does anyone have tickets to sell?" I held up one finger and said, "I have one!" Next I knew, we were huddled on a dark corner. First we had to let him inspect the ticket for authenticity. That took some trust, because he could have snatched it and run off. He offered $60. I countered with $150. Then he came up to $100. I said I paid more than that. He offered $120 and let me feel his cash to be sure it wasn't counterfeit. That took trust on his side. I said, "Sold." We went into the Garden $120 richer, and me feeling a bit pleased to have just done something a bit risky that I'd never done before and I even got the scalper to come up twice as much as I came down. I spent all of the money on T-shirts and beer, just in case it really was counterfeit. By the way, Thomas Leonard's 28 Principles of Attraction includes the advice to be a little bad sometimes, because it gets us out of our safety zones and stops us from feeling superior to others.

5. Appreciate what you have. It was so much fun being back in NYC that I fantasized a bit about moving back, but my last morning was cloudy and rainy, which always makes the city look ten times as dirty, and I remembered an old rule of thumb: that when everything goes right, great weather, great food, cabs are easy to get, the scalper buys your ticket, etc.; NYC is the BEST place in the world, but when it doesn't go well, weather is dreadful, passing buses drench you, there are no cabs anywhere, somebody steals your wallet, etc.; NYC is the worst. I was ready to go home, enjoy the quieter, slower pace, and get back to work doing that I love. How fortunate I am to have found my calling and to be able to afford to play hooky once in a while.

So those are my chief takeaways from my quick trip to see Adele.

By the way, we have another Adele at School of Coaching Mastery, who is also delightful, and she's hosting our Positive Psychology Coaching Study Group, starting this Thursday. It's a perfect way to learn more about positive psychology coaching and it's free to everyone. If you'd like to join, click below.

I write frequently about positive psychology and especially, positive psychology coaching. But how do experts define positive psychology and what exactly is a positive psychology coach?

Positive Psychology Definition: Positive psychology is based on research into what causes happiness and well-being and enables people to flourish (Stewart, 2016, A2-1 Coaching Guide:  Introduction to Positive Psychology for Coaches Class 1: Introduction).

This definition was gleaned from the writings of various positive psychology experts, such as Martin E. P. Seligman, Father of Positive Psychology, and Barbara L. Fredrickson, President, International Positive Psychology Association (IPPA).

Positive Psychology Coach Definition: A positive psychology coach is a coach who expertly coaches using research-based positive psychology practices.

Go here for definitions of coaching from the International Coach Federation (ICF) and School of Coaching Mastery (SCM).

How does one become a positive psychology coach? Currently, there are two pathways to becoming a positive psychology coach. One is to hobble together several courses in coaching and positive psychology. The second is to take fully integrated positive psychology coaching classes at School of Coaching Mastery.

How can you get a certificate in positive psychology coaching? Take the Introduction to Positive Psychology for Coaches, which is an 8-hour, 4-week introduction to the positive psychology practices that are most beneficial to coaches. 

How can you become a Certified Positive Psychology Coach®? Enroll in the Certified Positive Psychology Coach® program. Most coaches take about a year to complete it.

What's the difference between the Positive Psychology Certificate and the Certified Positive Psychology Coach® credential? The Positive Psychology Certificate is a certificate of completion. It means you completed a course in positive psychology. The Certified Positive Psychology Coach® credential is a stamp of approval from School of Coaching Mastery that says you have met the requirements for professional positive psychology coaching skills.

I hope these positive psychology definitions are useful to you.

Become a Certified Positive Psychology Coach®:

Many coaches say positive psychology is the future of coaching, personal development, success, and high performance.

That's because positive psychology and coaching are virtually made for each other. Positive psychology explores, via research, what helps people enjoy greater happiness, well-being, and success. Coaches assist their clients to reach those same goals. When coaches use research-informed interventions to assist our clients, in addition to our own empathy and intuition, we know we're using the very best tools to help clients reach their most heart-felt goals.

So what does it take to become a successful positive psychology coach? Take this quick positive psychology coaching quiz to find out. If you want to see how other people responded, or if your device doesn't show the quiz below, take this quiz here. Otherwise, take the quiz directly below.

If positive psychology coaching really is a great fit for you, why not fill out the Certified Positive Psychology Coach application, too? Just click the big blue button at the bottom of this post to get started. We’ll keep you posted about upcoming courses and other opportunities, such as joining the new International Association of Positive Psychology Coaches, where you can learn more about this fascinating new field, and where trained positive psychology coaches can get certified.

How did you do? If most of your answers were, "I'm working on it" or "I've mastered this", you'll probably make a great positive psychology coach. If not, you know what to work on next to be your best and prepare to become a great coach.

Maybe your next step is to apply to the Certified Positive Psychology Coach® program, below...

Here's a great new video about positive psychology coach training.

It's by actor, coach, and host of "Marcus Recommends", Marcus Freed, SCM-CCC. He quotes positive psychology coaches, Valeria Pittaluga of Italy, Paula Facci of Brazil, and Jess Dods of the U.S.A.; about their experiences becoming certified positive psychology coaches.

If you want to quickly learn about positive psychology coaching, this video is packed with information in just over two minutes. Valeria calls positive psychology coach training a "brilliant opportunity" to learn about "healthy entrepreneurship". Paula mentions her increased confidence, "astonishing" results, and the "double digit growth" of her business. Jess says the results are "powerful and lasting" and he "highly recommends" this path to other coaches. Thanks to everyone who made this video possible.!

Enjoy the video here:

The training program these coaches took is the Certified Positive Psychology Coach Program. If you want to become a professional coach in today's market, positive psychology is you best bet because it is informed by science and it is flexible enough for customization for each coaching client. The program, itself, is customizable to your goals and timeline and it prepares you for the International Association of Positive Psychology Coaches' Certified Positive Psychology Coach® credential, the mark of professionals. Classes are a mix of live and video recordings so you can maximize your time and complete the program as soon as you want. Our pay-as-you-go approach makes this program affordable for nearly everyone. Visit the program page, download the Fact Sheet, Course list, and fill out the application. You can be on your way to becoming a professional positive psychology coach by next week!

Learn more about becoming a Certified Positive Psychology Coach here:

After fifteen years in the  business of coaching and coach-training, I've seen my share of fake online schools. So when I stumbled across a "new" online school with a few tell-tale signs, I intuitively knew it was bogus. Just to be sure though (like any good coach), I checked to be certain. Yup, I was right the first time.

Unfortunately, there is seemingly no limit to the number of people who will spot something popular on the web and will try to scam the unsuspecting into sending money. Don't be fooled!

If you're wondering if a coach-training website, or any educational website, is legit, here's what to look for...

7 Clues a Coach-Training Website is Fake:

1. The site doesn't clearly indicate who owns it or runs it. This new site that I found just states, in the "About Us" section, that it's a membership site for people interested in positive psychology. Pretty sketchy.

2. It claims to be a university or graduate school, but the web address doesn't end with .edu or .org. Read number 4 for more about this. In the United States, there are specific laws about who can claim to be a university. Generally, a university offers many topics and awards degrees based an specific requirements. This one claimed to be a US organization, but didn't seem to fit the definition.

3. It claims to be a college or university in the United States, but it gives out diplomas. In the US, you get a diploma when you graduate from high school. If you go on to post-secondary school, such as a college or university, you earn a degree, certification, or certificate of completion, not a diploma.

4. It claims to be accredited by an official-sounding not-for-profit organization that is approved by the United States Department of Education, but the web address doesn't end with .edu (only educational institutions with this type of accreditation can use .edu addresses). This one made such a claim, but the address ended with .us. Curious whether there was any validity to the claim, I went to the Department of Ed. website and searched their list of approved agencies. Nope, not there.

A hallmark of fake schools is the claim of being accredited by official-sounding organizations that don't exist.

By the way, Department of Ed. approval is the gold-standard in university accreditation. However, legitimate coaching schools that claim accreditation are generally accredited by the International Coach Federation (ICF), which is not approved by the Department of Ed. ICF is a good organization. In fact, it is the oldest and largest such organization in the world. This type of approval or accreditation is the gold standard in coaching. You can trust coaching schools that are approved or accredited by the ICF. Just check the ICF's site to be sure.

5. Information about the courses and topics taught is scarce. This new site shares basic information that anyone can find with a quick web search on positive psychology and copy & paste it onto a fake site.

6. There are no trust marks or confirmation links on the site. Trust marks come from third-party organizations, such as the Department of Ed, or the International Coach Federation, or the Better Business Bureau. They usually include links to the accrediting site that confirm the school's claims and may even rate the school on trust and best practices.

7. Here's the scariest red flag: to join this new "organization" that I discovered, you're instructed to copy & paste their payment form into an EMAIL with your name, address, credit-card number, security code, and expiration date! No legitimate organization will EVER ask you to put sensitive payment information into an email.  Email is just not secure. My conclusion is that this site is designed to steal identities from people who are interested in positive psychology and that if you are foolish enough to "join", you will soon discover that your credit card has been maxed out. And because of the tell-tale "diplomas" mentioned on the site (#3 above), it is likely outside the United States, even though it claims to be "American". It's difficult, if not impossible, to catch international scammers, such as these.

So How Can You Find Trustworthy Coaching Schools?

There are many good coach training schools, but Google isn't the best way to find them. Use the ICF's Training Program Search Service (TPSS). They have a huge number of approved and accredited coaching schools to choose from that they have already vetted for you.

Looking for an ICF Approved Coach Training Program?

The Certified Positive Psychology Coach® program approved for 125 ICF hours. Check us out at the ICF TPSS under the following name:

Or go here:

Curious about positive psychology coaching?

If you're looking to make a positive change in your career and you're curious about positive psychology coaching, you're in luck, because a new free eBook called, Become a Positive Psychology Coach, answers most of your questions and can point you in the direction where you can learn more.

The free Become a Positive Psychology Coach eBook even includes comments from practicing positive psychology coaches, from around the world, who represent a variety of coaching niches within the general specialties of life, business, and executive coaching.

More...

• In a nutshell, you'll learn how much fun it is to help clients reach their goals and flourish.
• Plus, knowing that the tools of positive psychology coaching have been tested and researched is a huge confidence builder for all coaches, especially when they are new.
• In addition to confidence, positive psychology and related sciences help positive psychology coaches fine tune their tools, so they know who, what, when, and how to introduce them for greater effectiveness.
• And that scientific background lends credibility with skeptical potential clients.
• The world is changing quickly and evidence-based coaching is changing with it.
• Coaching is advancing as a profession and positive psychology coaching seems to be the next phase.
• Training programs like the Certified Positive Psychology Coach Program, here at School of Coaching Mastery are assisting new coaches to become certified professional coaches.
• The International Association of Positive Psychology Coaches has formed to certify these new positive psychology coaches.
• This is the next big thing in coaching and you can get in on the ground floor!

To find out whether you should join the pioneers of positive psychology coaching; download the eBook for free:

Why does your coaching need Appreciative Inquiry?

First of all, if you went to a good coaching school, you might be using some Appreciative Inquiry (AI) tools without even knowing it, because many of the tools that the ICF Competencies refer to as, "Powerful Questioning" and "Creating Awareness", as well as some of the actual language included in the IAC Masteries is taken directly from Appreciative Inquiry.

AI is baked right into most coaching, but not knowing that could cost you.

First of all, if your coaching school neglected to disclosed the sources of their awesome material, that's a little dishonest. Second, if you don't understand the basic theory behind the tools you use, you may have a harder time using them effectively. Third, you're more susceptible to magical thinking, when your training isn't grounded in evidence-based material, because alhough great coaching works "like magic", there are very real reasons why. Finally, not fully understanding how your profession works leaves you unable to improvise when unexpected issues arise during your coaching sessions.

So back to Appreciative Inquiry.

It's initially based on research done by David Cooperrider in the early 1980s at Case Western University. That puts it years ahead of the "invention" of professional coaching in the 1990s. It's also well ahead of the formal launching of positive psychology, as a field of research. However, positive psychologists are more upfront about their sources.

Cooperrider noticed that organizational outcomes improved, often dramatically, when people focused on what was already working, instead of mainly on what was wrong. His observations are influencing people around the world and as it turns out, individuals also experience dramatically improved outcomes when the apply the approaches of AI.

If you'd like to know more about Appreciative Inquiry, here is a video of the recent class called How to Use Appreciative Inquiry with Your Positive Psychology Coaching, led by me, Julia Stewart, along with Marcus Mottley, PhD, CPPC, a clinical psychologist, Certified Positive Psychology Coach® and expert on AI.

One of the most common questions we get about the Certified Positive Psychology Coach® Program is, "How do I apply?" In the past, application was made primarily by telephone interview, so we could determine, along with the applicant, whether the program was the right fit and whether the coach qualified for advanced placement. It's still possible to apply this way, but it seems to take too long, so we're streamlining the process.

You can now apply to the Certified Positive Psychology Coach® program via an online application. It's currently free to apply and only takes a few minutes.

A few other important questions about becoming a Certified Positive Psychology Coach®:

- Is this program approved by an internationally recognized coaching association?

Yes, the Certified Positive Psychology Coach® Program is Approved by the ICF (International Coach Federation) for 125 hours and it's licensed by the IAC (International Association of Coaches).

- Will I be prepared to coach professionally when I graduate from the Certified Positive Psychology Coach® program?

Yes, this is a training program for professional coaches that integrates advanced coach training with positive psychology from start to finish. 

- Do I have to wait to join?

No. New modules start every month, so we have rolling enrollment.

- What is included in this program?

Everything you need to graduate and get certified is included: classes, recordings, written materials, tests, certificates, research papers and articles, study groups, business tools, and your Certified Positive Psychology Coach® credential. We also recommend a variety of related books and other media, but you're not required to buy anything extra.

- I live in Europe (or Africa, Asia, Oceania), do you have classes I can attend?

Yes, our courses are taught via live interactive webinars and you can access them via any internet-connected device or via telephone (we have "local" phone numbers for 18 countries). If you miss a class, you can watch the recorded video. Our class schedule is between 10am - 10PM Eastern/NY Time and our students literally are from all over the world! That said, classes are small and students get to know each other well and become good friends. View upcoming classes here.

- How much does the program cost?

Current tuition is listed here. You can save 10% if you choose to pay your tuition in advance.

More FAQs about this program are here.

Want to apply to become a Certified Positive Psychology Coach®? Click below:

Life Coaches and their colleagues (such as business coaches and executive coaches) need empathy, that sense that you can identify and even feel what another is experiencing. It's an important part of what leadership coaching and emotional intelligence expert, Richard Boyatzis, calls "compassionate coaching", the type of coaching that's been found to be most effective.

Have you ever wondered how we know what someone else is feeling? 

Neuroscientists tell us that we have something called mirror neurons that cause us to experience what others experience, both physically and emotionally. You're even more likely to feel what someone else is feeling, if you're closely bonded to them. That's one of the reasons that connecting with a client is so important.

Why does it matter that life coaches have a strong sense of empathy with their clients?

A tremendous amount of information passes between a coach and client during a coaching session. We think about six times faster than we can talk (Rock, 2006) and we feel almost instantly, so if we over-rely on the content of the client's words, we will understand only a thimble full, compared to the volumes of information we can glean via empathy. Of course, we need to be sensitive to that information and accurately interpret it, while checking in with the client, in order to stay on track. This can take considerable practice.

So why should life coaches never get botox?

The concept of mirror neurons doesn't really describe the complex wiring that goes into empathy, which is an evolutionary enhancement that many animals don't have. The more social a species is (think: reptiles, to mammals, to primates, to us: the world's most social animal) the more sophisticated our emotional wiring must be.

As Stephen Porges, author of The Polyvagal Theory (2011) tells us, all animals have something called the vagus nerve, a conduit for a host of smaller nerves that connect the face, throat, chest and abdomen, and communicate between our organs, facial muscles, and brain. It is this collection of nerves that is the seat of emotion. That's why you feel emotions in your torso, throat and/or face.

In reptiles, who experience little or no emotional bonding, emotions are simply about survival. Reptilian vagus nerves enervate the gut and produce "gut feelings" that signal danger, while the reptilian brain (analogous to the human brain stem) signals a "fight, flight, or freeze response." Humans and other mammals also possess this primitive wiring, which Porges calls, "the vegetative vagus". 

It's official; your gut feelings are real.

But mammals are more social and need more complex emotional wiring to navigate relationships. We also possess the "smart vagus" that enervates the heart and lungs. This is the vagus that has gotten a lot of press lately, since scientists discovered that the vagus delivers oxytocin, the "love hormone" that triggers much of what we call bonding between humans and other animals.

Hold on, I'm getting to the botox part.

In primates, and especially humans, vagal nerves also enervate the throat and facial muscles which communicate so much to empathic others via our facial expressions and also via our voices, which change slightly according to muscle contractions in the throat. This is why we can intuit what someone is feeling when we talk to them on the phone. In turn, the listener experiences minute contractions in their own face, throat, chest and abdomen. It's those contractions that tell you what someone else is feeling, because you are then feeling it too!

The most highly empathic people respond to tiny, almost invisible contractions around the eyes, rather then just the mouth. In fact, people who are autistic, and therefore are not usually highly empathic, tend to avoid looking at eyes and so miss important information.

When you talk to someone face-to-face, or on the telephone, you intuition is highly influenced by the minute contractions around your own eyes and other parts of the face and throat. According to Porges, if you've had botox, you will be cut off from that information. Plus, others will have a harder time reading your feelings. Less empathy all around. Bad for your relationships. Super bad for your coaching.

Botox literally cuts you off from your complex and subtle ways of knowing.

Would you like to learn more about the science of coaching? Consider joining the Certified Positive Psychology Coach® Program or simply take the modules you're most curious about. All are ICF approved and IAC licensed. Click below for more information.