Coaching Blog

My colleague and friend, Deborah Brown-Volkman, and I are planning a coaching communications project that moves beyond, ‘Which coaching questions should I ask?’ and covers the trickiest and stickiest conversations that professional coaches must have, but often dread.

• How do you handle the client who doesn’t pay you on time?
• How do you tell your client that you really can’t give them an extra 20-30 minutes every week?
• How do you tell your client that s/he needs therapy instead of coaching?
• What do you say to the client who ‘can’t afford’ you?
• How do you raise your fees without losing your clients?
• [insert your dreaded client conversation question here]

My students and mentees ask me these questions everyday, but Deborah and I are creating a new resource to give you answers and ideas that are right at your fingertips.

[UPDATE: Deborah and I are hosting 4 low-cost live, interactive tele-webinars on how to have the toughest coaching conversations of your career. Click below for more info...]

Ask your questions about dreaded coaching conversations, below...

Article by David Papini and Julia Stewart.

Julia: Below is the winning entry in the Best Coaching Films Contest. I chose it, not because it was the best example of coaching, but because it was presented in a thorough manner that made it easy for David Papini and me to analyze it, which we were interested in doing. In that sense, it's an awesome entry and it provides a terrific opportunity to disect something that sounds like coaching, but actually isn't. At least it's not very good coaching. See if you agree.

You may or may not be surprised to know that the character of John Keating, in Dead Poet’s Society, is not an example of a good coach. Yes, he opens up new worlds for his students, something that great coaches do, but he is burdened by enormous assumptions and a huge agenda, which leads him to a crucial conversation with Neil Perry and may have helped cause Perry’s later suicide. Not a desirable outcome in coaching!

Actually, this film is a wonderful example of what happens when Values Systems collide. It ain’t pretty. The parents and teacher’s are all of the modern values system: rational, materialistic, conforming. Think: Business Executives. (And read Spiral Dynamics or take our Spiral Dynamics for Coaches course, if you don’t know what I’m talking about.) Keating’s values are post-modern: creative, individualistic, passionate. Think: Hippies.

There is nothing wrong with either system, but in evolutionary terms, post-modern comes after modern, which makes it more inspiring (that’s just how it works). Keating and his student’s assume that ‘inspiring’ is better. However, the only thing that makes one Values System better than another is whether it solves your problems best.

The film, itself, is passionate and can inspire and trigger the viewers’ own adolescent memories of struggling to become authentic while being pushed and bullied to conform by parents and teachers. But for one very sensitive, vulnerable, conflicted boy, Neil Perry, who is the ‘client’ in the following ‘coaching’ session, this schism presents a problem so overwhelming, he pays the ultimate price.

David: I think that here Keating is not coaching Neil, he is more trying to help him as parent would do. One of the risks of a “parenting” coach model is that parenting brings with itself not just love and care but it is also prone to confusion between parent’s needs and child’s needs.  This kind of confusion has an evolutionary advantage, because maximizes the chances that a parent will take care of her children as if they were herself, but it is not that useful when your goal is to foster someone else’s freedom of choice.

In terms of technique, Keating here uses more the tools of a tutor or mentor. All the relationship is with Keating ‘up’ and Neil ‘down’. No doubt, Keating cares about Neil’s greatness, but he fails in checking and validating if the change that he is pushing Neil through is ecological for all Neil’s parts. Working with all the parts (for example with NLP) and allowing all of them to show what their good intention was and to foster dialogue among them, could have been useful to Neil.

Read on to see why a coach’s assumptions and agenda can cause a client his very life... 

John Keating Coaching Neil Perry:

The 10-Year anniversary of 9/11 is a day of sadness and mourning for many of us.

But it's also a day when we saw the best in people a million times over. As a resident of New York City, someone who could see the towers burning from my street, I can say that I never felt as close to my fellow New Yorkers as I did that day and in the months following.

One snide conservative politician said New Yorkers became uncharacteristically 'human' on 9/11. He's wrong. New Yorkers are some of the kindest people I've ever known.

Today, I live in a small town, where farmers stop their pickup trucks to chat, blocking roads in both directions. You can do that in a small town. In fact, small-town people value that kind of friendliness.

In a huge crowded city, where there are always millions of people behind you trying to get home or pick up their kids, kindness is often expressed via efficiency, impatience and hurrying. We're all getting out of the way of our fellow citizens, because passing the time of day can cause traffic jams and delays.

In 2001, I lived on a small, nautical NYC island, called, City Island. The local clam-diggers, or those born on the island, were often descended from generations of sailors, boat builders and sail makers. Most were poor and uneducated, but great people.

The great 9/11 Boatlift, above, is one of the untold stories about the attacks. One radio distress call from the Coast Guard that morning, brought hundreds of boats within minutes - work boats, pleasure boats, ferries - to lower Manhattan and rescued 500,000 people who were trapped behind the destruction. It was the biggest boatlift in history.

They didn't know if they'd be killed in the attacks. They came because they were needed.

My work, as a coach and coach trainer, has always been to bring out the Personal Greatness, also known as the Great Self, in my clients and students. Horrific tragedy elicits Greatness in many, but we don't have to wait for  awful moments. We can choose to be Great, daily.

As one Boatlift hero says in the film, above, "I believe somebody has a little hero in them. Got to look in. It's in there. It'll come out when it needs to be."

Choosing to be great may mean to show a little more compassion or a little less criticism. It may mean smiling at a stranger or acknowledging a cashier. It also means serving others when it's inconvenient or dangerous to ourselves. We all do it uniquely. That's why we're different.

There is courage in Greatness.

Another hero says, "I have a theory in life. I never want to say, 'I should have.' If I do it and I fail, I tried. If I do it and I succeed, better for me. I tell my children the same thing, 'Never go through life saying I should have. If you want to do something, you do it."

These men aren't philosophers, coaches or motivational speakers; just regular guys who stepped up.

How can you step up today and celebrate Personal Greatness in your world?

Today one of my mentor coaching clients said something brilliant.

She said she realized that she'd been expecting to 'manifest' her successful coaching business with about 20% effort and she needed to go full out for it. That's one of the main reasons some coaches fail. Even if they're doing the right things and even if they aren't doing them the wrong way, often they just plain aren't doing enough. 

Owning your own business and making money doing what you love has so many benefits, that if it were as easy as getting and keeping a good job, everybody would be doing it. And yet, some coaches plod along doing about as much as they would have at that dead-head corporate job they escaped from and they wonder why they don't have enough clients!

If there's one thing I love about being a coach, it's that I'm passionate about it. That passion drives me forward to be, do and have everything I want by creating value for my clients. It's known as the power of full engagement and making money is just a byproduct.

If you love coaching, tap into that passion and let it drive/pull you forward. Show up fully everywhere you go and have faith that you're creating the life and business that you really want. 

However, if you're just playing it safe, not taking risks, not willing to be vulnerable, waiting until everything is perfect, setting intentions without changing behaviors, or just trying to do enough to get by, you're not ever going to get there.

That reminds me of something a member of our Free Coach Training Program asked me today. Is the Free Coach Training everything you need to start a coaching business? For some people it will be, but others will either want much more or need much more. That's why we have more!

Related posts:

• Become a Coach: Ten Ways to Succeed Quickly
• The Biology of Success
• This Prevents Coaching Success: Are You Suffering From the Kiss of Death?

Check out the Ultimate Coach Training Program Here.

Mattison Grey is professional business and leadership coach and the founder of  Greystone Guides,  a high performance coaching and consulting firm.  Her clients and fans enjoy her contrarian views and her courage to be provocative in a way that challenges the status quo.  Mattison is fascinated by the gap between high performers and low performers and what it takes to go from mediocre to masterful in a chosen endeavor.  

Coaching is a popular choice of profession for people right now. 

Seems like everyone is a coach or is becoming a coach, doesn’t it?  That is no secret.  The trouble is there are secrets about coaching and having a coaching business.  Secrets no one is telling beginning or emerging coaches. 

The coaching schools won’t tell you – you might not sign up; coaching organizations won’t tell you – it’s not their role.   So who has the guts to tell you?  Julia Stewart, the gutsy-ist coach in America, has asked me to expose some of those secrets and share with you what I think are the biggest myths about coaching and starting a coaching practice.  Here we go with the 8 biggest myths many emerging coaches believe. 

MYTH #1, 2 and 3:  Everyone needs a coach; coaching is for everyone; or everyone is a prospect.  Sure everyone has room for improvement, but not everyone wants it.  Learning to identify who is curious about coaching and who is not takes quite a bit of practice, and assuming everyone is a prospect can get in the way of accurate sorting.

MYTH #4:  Coaching fixes problems.  In fact, if you approach coaching with that mentality you will drive people away.  Even though few people’s lives are perfect, they will resist coaching if you “come from” something’s wrong.  

I often say, Amateur Coaching fixes problems.  Masterful Coaching creates them.

What do I mean by that?  If you take the client’s problem or challenge at face value, you will be missing a huge opportunity to really move them toward their greatness.   Behind the presented challenge is always a bigger issue.  Most of us know that.  What masterful coaches know is that you don’t have to find that issue and solve it.  You have to help the client find a project or game that is so interesting, fun and engaging that the previous issue magically disappears or is solved by the new game.  

Here is a real life example:  A few years ago, I was bored with my coaching business and not having much fun anymore.  That was a pretty big problem.   I asked Julia for a coaching session.   Long story short, as a result of the coaching, I decided to DOUBLE my coaching fees.  Never mind my fee was already pretty substantial.  Doubling it would, with the exception of celebrity coaches, put it near the top tier of coaching fees in the world.  WOW, now I had a HUGE “PROBLEM” but boy was I excited about it, and instantaneously my boredom went away and the fun returned.  

MYTH # 5:  You have been coaching your entire life.  Even if you have been a great listener and confidant all your life, that doesn’t mean what you were doing is coaching or that you were meant to be a coach.   When you get really good professional training it will become obvious that, while what you were doing may have been helpful for people, it wasn’t really professional coaching. 

MYTH #6:  You can make a great living in the beginning.  You can’t charge high fees in the beginning.  Beginner coaches get beginner clients, who pay beginner fees.  That is true in most professions.  The more experience you have under your belt, the higher fee you can charge. 

MYTH #7:  Internet marketing is coaching.   This is a huge misconception and my biggest pet peeve.   You can be a coach who uses internet marketing, or you can be an internet marketer who coaches.   Trying to be both or not being clear about this distinction is a big mistake that beginners make.   Either way is fine, but to really make it work you have to choose. 

Finally the biggest myth in coaching today:

MYTH #8:  You can have a successful coaching business without learning to sell.   I hate to be the one to break it to you, but to fill your coaching practice you must learn to sell.   This has never been more of a reality than in today’s extremely competitive market. With a coach on every corner, the only coaches that will make it will be the ones who can sell in a graceful authentic way.  

Related posts:  

• How Many Years Does It Take to Become a Life Coach?
• 6 Reasons to Run Screaming From a Coach Training School
• Urban Coaching Myth: You Need to Find Your Niche
• Top Ten Worst Reasons to Become a Coach

Can new college grads find work this year, or should they just go home and live with Mom & Dad?

With the unemployment rate still hovering near 10%, new college graduates are having an awful time finding jobs this year. Transitioning from college to adult life is tough enough even when the economy is good. There's getting the job, learning to budget, pay the school loans and still buy the stuff you need, all while navigating your social and love life. That's overwhelming, right there.

But this year? For millions it's easier to just delay the whole process and move back in with the parents. Or maybe apply for graduate school and hope things get better in two more years.

Things are so bad, one frustrated NYC mother started her own website called, Get My Kid Off My Couch, with links to resume, blog, social sites, etc., showing off her daughter's skills, because both of them are desperate to get on with their lives and all it will take is just one little job.

Well here's an alternative. If your son or daughter has good communication skills (Check their cell phone bill, if you're not sure), they may want to upgrade what they already have with coaching skills for a couple of reasons.

1. There are still jobs for people who can coach. I just did a search on Indeed.com for 'coach, coaching or coaches' (and I filtered OUT  sports references like tennis, lacrosse, cheer, football, baseball, softball, basketball, etc., etc.). I got back nearly 75,000 available jobs that require coaching skills. Not bad.

2. Coaching can be a lucrative business. Some college grads are skipping the job treadmill all together and just starting their own businesses. Few businesses are as inexpensive to start up as coaching. There's no inventory, no store front, no staff needed, just a computer and a phone. And good coaching skills.

And by the way, that major transition that students go through from high school to college to first job and beyond? That's a huge coaching niche. Who better to coach young people through these major life stages a than those who have just navigated all that, themselves?

However, a very young coach needs coach training to be credible. Happily, new college grads are already good at being students and coach training costs a lot less than graduate school. And it trains them in something they can actually do, too.

For more info on how to become a coach, visit our Become a Coach Hub

One of the many hurdles that a new coach might struggle with is getting up that first website.

Honestly, most coaches make this harder than it has to be. And if you're waiting to fill your business with clients until after the website is up, you're giving yourself an unnecessary delay. Why?

• Unless you're an marketing genius, most of your clients won't find you through your site, anyway. At least not at first.
• In fact, most of your clients don't care if you even have a website.
• There are so many other ways to to be found on the web besides a traditional website (social networking, directories, blogs, portals, etc.) that are probably juicier ways to attract clients, anyway. 

But a site's a good thing to have, so if you're struggling with it, here's a great way to get a site up in less than an hour. Buy a URL (web address) and point it to your 'personal web portal' (Bribe your 13 year old nephew to handle the web address, or pay a webmaster, if you must. GoDaddy and HostGator are 2 sites where you can get the address for a few bucks.)

Where do you get a 'personal web portal'? Here are 3 possibilities: flavors.me, chi.mp, and unhub. Watch the demo below to see how flavors works. Easy enough that even you can do it (Let's face it, your nephew's taste in graphics just won't work for your coaching site, anyway.)

Once your portal is up, add links to your Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, MCX, Flickr & YouTube accounts. Then remember to add a link TO your portal from all the social sites and directories that you belong to, so people can find you on the web. You can add your new web address to your business card and Voila! your website problem is solved.

Flavors.me from Jack Zerby on Vimeo.

Get the free Coach 100 eBook for a better way to attract coaching clients.

Artifact From the Future:

On April 1st, 2014, the International Association of Coaching released its new IAC Coaching Supremacies^TM, the intellectual property on which its elite IAC Certified Coach designation will be based, going forward.

Reached for comment, current IAC President, Thomas J Leonard, often called the ‘Father of Coaching' and recently brought back to life via advancements in cryogenics said, ‘I'm pleased with the improvements in coaching during my absence, except for all The Secret hoohah... With the release of the new coaching supremacies, I'd say coaching has reached about 13% of its full potential.' Mr. Leonard founded the IAC in 2003 with the mission to ‘Improve the Quality of Coaching Worldwide'.

Here are the Five IAC Coaching Supremacies^TM:

1. Is Completely Transparent: The Certified Coach is so honest, straightforward and highly evolved that in many cases, he/she has  achieved complete invisibility. This negates the need for pajamas while coaching by phone. The advantage of transparency is that the supreme coach gains complete trust from the client, who often is unaware that the coach is even there. It also aides in Supremacy #2.

2. Really Sees the Client: The Certified Coach doesn't rely on client truthfulness. That can come in short supply. Rather, the supreme coach can view everything the clients says and does, electronically, physically or metaphysically, 168 hours per week and coaches the Truth, not some story about the truth. For the geographically or metaphysically challenged coach, a new iShadow App for iPad can be purchased from iTunes for 99 cents. A copycat version for droidPad is also available for free from Google.

3. Is Utterly Silent: The Certified Coach has mastered the skill of silence so completely, he/she doesn't have to say anything. Ever. And the client is then coached, well, supremely. Supreme coaches say this advanced skill set speeds up the coaching process by at least 10 fold. When contacted for comment, Coach Mattison Grey had no comment.

4. Creates Outcomes by Thinking: The Certified Coach has mastered the Law of Attraction (or Principles of Attraction, if you prefer) so thoroughly that he/she merely has to think and feeeel what the client really wants and the client gets it, pronto. This is casually known as the genie-in-the-bottle skill. No need for poky structures, systems or environments to do the work. That's so 2010.

5. Coaches Beyond Enlightenment: The Certified Coach knows that every level of advanced consciousness carries with it its own peculiar dysfunction. Whether it's complacency, absence of boundaries, severe financial woes, or how to feng shui a cave, even enlightened clients, now estimated to make up at least 50% of all coaching clients, need their own version of a kick in the pants now and then and the supreme coach knows how to deliver it.

IAC Eurasia Chapter President, B. K. Ramalamabananananda, who lives in Mumbai, the current epicenter of professional coaching, and who specializes in coaching Bollywood starlets said, ‘These coaching supremacies are really nothing new. Indian saints have been performing such feats for centuries, so why not coaches?'

Want to stay abreast on the future of coaching? Join our IAC virtual chapter and get this free white paper, plus more goodies. No joke.

Coach Natalie Tucker Miller just returned with some amazing insights from last week's Shanghai Coaching Conference.

School of Coaching Mastery's own Dean of Students, Natalie Tucker Miller, IAC-CC, just returned from her visit to China as keynote speaker for the 2010 Shanghai Coaching Conference. As former President of the IAC and the current Lead Certifier for the IAC, Natalie was a natural choice to keynote for this first ever live IAC coaching conference.

But more than that, Natalie is one of the best examples of a great coach that I know. I'm sure coaches in Asia loved just being in the room with her!

It wasn't easy catching up with Natalie to do an interview, but I knew that our readers from around the globe would be curious to hear about the enthusiasm and desire to embrace coaching mastery that Natalie encountered in Shanghai.

Here's what she told me:

JS: Natalie, thanks for doing this interview. What surprised you most about Asian coaches and the Asian coaching industry?

NTM: Asian coaches are so very interested to be on the leading edge of coaching! It's very inspiring to recognize how much we can learn from one another and that coaching opens those doors of sharing and possibility. The very nature of coaching encourages this as no other profession ever has, and it allows coaching's trademark "win-win".

Coaches around the globe see coaching as a way to bring about positive change for humanity, and there may be no place where that is more evident than in Asia. There is a great desire to help others, and improve the conditions of people's lives and work. There do not seem to be borders for the coaches who recognize these possibilities.

JS: Wow, that's truly inspiring! What stood out for you in terms of the attitudes of Asian coaches toward certification and training?

NTM: There is a powerful desire to achieve high levels of mastery in coaching. The coaches I spoke with in Asia want to know what the requirements for coaching mastery are and what needs to be done in order to fulfill those requirements. They seemed very interested in understanding the nuances of transformative coaching outcomes and learning what it takes to coach at that level.

JS: They sounds like high achievers! No wonder there is so much happening in the Asian coaching world. Describe the people who attended this coaching conference. What were they curious about? What kinds of questions did they ask and what did you tell them?

NTM: It was truly an international conference, with Asian representation as well as coaches from Europe, Australia and North America. There were certified coaches, coaches curious about certification, owners of coach training programs and representatives from companies who either shared their coaching success stories, or wanted to know what to expect by including coaching in their employee support programs.

Since this was based in China, there was a lot of interest in how and even if coaching skills could be applied cross culturally. What was concluded was that, when applying high coaching standards, cultural differences do not inhibit the process. There is great interest and support for the IAC Coaching Masteries® as a model for global standards.

JS: What do you see as the future of coaching in Asia and elsewhere?

NTM: I believe we will see a unifying of global coaching standards and a continued trajectory of professionalism in coaching. And as a huge success for the IAC, I think we'll see more live conferences hosted by the IAC.

Also, there are many Asian corporations bringing a coaching culture into their companies and this will continue to grow to all sectors of business, large and small. As China continues to grow as an economic and business center, there is great potential for coaching to grow there as well as all around the world. There are far more similarities than differences among people and this conference reinforced that for me in a big way!

JS: Thanks again, Natalie, for being the great leader that you are. I know our coaching students feel blessed to get to work with you!

If you have a pasion for coaching mastery and want to train with one of the very best, you can do so very affordably and from where ever you are in the world. Natalie with be teaching IAC Coaching Mastery 7 starting April 6th via live tele-webinar. Join Mastery 7 here.

We also have a limited-time special opportunity for new members of our Full Coach Training Program and Certified Coach Training Program where they can work with a certified mentor coach for three months at no extra charge and Natalie is one of our mentor coaches!

Want to know more about how you can work with Natalie? Call 1-877-224-2680 or email here to make an appointment with one of our enrollment advisors.