Coaching Blog (41)

Constructive Dissatisfaction

Hey, I'm way overdue posting to this site. My apologies! A lot has happened, though, since my last post. Donna and I hosted our first ACE Live Event in NYC, which was a great success. Plus, I moved to Missouri. (Talk about a change of venue!)

Some things are still the same, though: like my subscription to FastCompany. In a recent article, Michael Eskew, CEO of UPS mentioned the importance of "constructive dissatisfaction" in running a successful company. He says complacency is the enemy. You have to keep thinking you can do better.

That statement really resonated with me. It's where the Confab came from. I witnessed a lot of unhappy coaches - and in a business that's supposed to help clients have successful and fulfilling lives, unhappiness in the coaches, themselves, is not a good thing.

On the other hand, pretending things are great when they're not doesn't work either. I wanted to give a voice to coaches whether they were satified or not, but I wanted the conversation to be constructive. Negativity is a dead end.

Constructive dissatisfaction is a guiding principle for me at ACE. I'm thinking that a commitment to excellence needs to include a willingness to be dissatisfied even when things are going great.

It occurs to me that this may appear to be the opposite of recognizing perfection in every situation. Actually I think it's an essential subtext: Things are perfect and they can be even better. Essential, because otherwise we run the risk of Stepford Coaching: pretending (no, requiring) that things be hunky-dory all the time. That just keeps us comfortably stuck.

A word that stood out for me at the ACE event was: uncomfortable.When we discussed what coaching excellence was and what stops us from achieving it, coaches talked a lot about having to get out of their comfort zones. Excellence can be rigorous.

For me, the commitment to excellence at ACE includes four steps:

1. Constructive dissatisfaction
2. Creative intelligence
3. Commitment to solutions
4. As much hard work as it takes

This is guaranteed to move me out of my comfort zone with regularity. Come to think of it, moving from NYC to a small town in Missouri has done that, too!

I'm curous to hear you thoughts in tomorrow's Confab.

Copyright, Julia Stewart, 2005

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Topics: Coaching, Donna Steinhorn, NYC

What Does Coaching Excellence Mean to You?

Posted by Julia Stewart

For me,

Excellence = Success.

Maybe it's not quite that simple, but when you take all the skills a successful coach has, from coaching skills to marketing skills, you find that the more excellent the skills, the more success the coach is likely to enjoy.

Yes, I know, even a mediocre coach with great marketing skills can be successful. But an excellent coach with great marketing skills will trump the mediocre coach in the long haul.

Too many coaches mistake getting clients with coaching success. That's only half the equation. Keeping clients is what gives us sustainable success. When a good percentage of your clients stay for years, rather than months, the time and money you need to spend on marketing is hugely reduced. And if you've got a reputation as an excellent coach, referrals will come effortlessly.

Getting Clients + Keeping Clients = Sustainable Success

Effortless Referrals + Keeping Clients = Less Marketing

See how excellence is the key to having sustainable success AND the freedom to live the great life that coaches love to talk about (even though they're working seven days a week at marketing)? Without excellence, you're stuck on that marketing merry-go-round of having to sell, Sell, SELL.

Phew! Wears me out to think about it!

Coaching excellence lives at the leading edge; the developing edge that's constantly transcending and including what has gone before, while creating what's needed now. Coaches who possess excellence are willing to move out of their comfort zones regularly in order evolve ahead of the masses. It's our job to lead.

That's why I'm asking what coaching excellence means to you. We're constantly creating it, so no one ever completely knows what it is. We need to keep asking.

When you think about it, every bit of information that exists in the world begins with a question.

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Topics: Coaching, coaching success, marketing, getting clients, coaching excellence

The Biology of Success

Posted by Julia Stewart

Here are a few thoughts on who become successful coaches and who don't. There doesn't seem to be a formula. We all do it differently, just as we all define success differently.

The real difference may lie in our relationship to success. In fact, intriguingly, the difference may be biological AND your environment influences it!

Research shows that both humans and animals conserve their energy according to their life conditions. If resources are short, many animals go into hibernation. If they're losing in the pecking order wars, they become more docile, resigned to their lot.

Meanwhile, animals who experience an abundance of resources or who have experienced some success, when competing with their peers, become more energetic and assertive. Their bodies are flooded by hormones that literally change their brains!

This is Neo-Darwinism, how the fittest survive. Turns out that the term, "fittest" is relative.

This happens among humans, too. It has its negative side in politics when revolutionaries become the new oppressors, but there are positive results, too.

One positive example might be the exuberance of Thomas Leonard. As his success grew, he became progressively more productive.

Here's another possible downside. I think many coaches, as they try to grow their businesses, become overwhelmed, then discouraged, then resigned. That process literally and biologically reduces the energy available to them to do whatever it takes to become successful on their own terms.

Those coaches who maintain a high level of focus, encouragement and optimism, also maintain the hormonal levels that give them the energy they need to keep going while they grow their businesses.

What makes the difference? Well, since we're human, we canchoose to create the difference.

Here's how your environment can help. You can design it so that it's full of people who can give you this kind of energy, by giving you a sense of abundance and accomplishment, who can help you access the abundance of resources available to all coaches and who will champion you and challenge you to keep going.

You can see where I'm going with this: Make sure you're getting great coaching. Coaching businesses are extremely difficult to build and yet, many coaches, who are no better equipped than you are successful. Give yourself the environment that you need.

You become who you hang out with. Hang out with people who are successful. Get coached by a genuinely successful coach, who knows how to get there. Keep your day job, so you don't fall into scarcity thinking. You get the idea.

I heard Thomas say, at a Certified Coach Intensive, that not every coach would be able to have a full practice. I also heard attributed to him, at Coach U, a draconian formula: Ten in, one out. Meaning, of every ten people who entered Coach U, only one became a real coach.

I think coach training and mentoring have improved since then and that the odds are getting better. In the meantime, though, I recommend that you decide to be one of the coaches who makes it.

Commit yourself to success; do what it takes to surround yourself with an environment that will evolve you into a successful coach!

My students and mentees know how much I emphasize championing as a mark of an excellent coach. (And still most of you don't champion enough!) Great coaches literally help clients transform into successful people.

Copyright, 2005, Julia Stewart

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Jealousy With a Halo

Posted by Julia Stewart

There's a great quote by H. G. Wells that you may have heard before. I came across it again, recently:

"Moral indignation is just jealousy with a halo."

Boy, is that ever true and have I been guilty of it, sometimes! Actually, it's something that most coaches are guilty of on frequent occasions, especially when it comes to each other.

Coaches know that everyone is doing their best (Or, as they say at CTI, "Nobody gets to be wrong.") and we usually remember this when we're with our clients, but we can be a bit judgmental when it comes to other coaches.

Especially if we're feeling slighted or overlooked, while someone else is out there basking in the limelight.

Here's the phrase that I most often hear: "So-n-so is so out of integrity!" That's coach-ese for, "I'm passing judgment on this person, but I want to sound enlightened while I do it."

We're the community that believes that integrity always comes first. Unfortunately, we tend to remember that most when it comes to other coaches. What we forget is that it's our own integrity that we need to mind, not someone else's.

I have to admit that I've used this phrase, myself, so I'm not exactly guilt-free. (Ouch! I hate it when I'm flawed!)

But like most negative energy, it's easier for us to feel it when it's aimed us. When we're the ones doing the aiming, it actually feels pretty good!

That's how I became aware of the phrase, "So-n-so is so out of integrity!" because occasionally, that phrase gets aimed at me! Do you hear the moral indignation in it? When it happened I thought, "Well that's pretty judgmental!" Which, of course is just another judgment, but it gave me the opportunity to feel right, again.

I don't know about you, but I don't want to go through life wearing a "jealousy halo". The problem is that the line between discernment, which is vital and judgment, which just keeps us stuck in our egos, is so faint that we often cross it before we've realized it.

It has to be in order for us to continue going around in that fog called,I'm-right-and-they're-wrong, which clouds our reality but feels oh so comfy to our egos.

So the answer is, no doubt, to get our egos out of the way, but that's easier to say than to do.

They've been trying that in the field of psychology for decades, but have you ever noticed the number of pejorative terms that have filtered from psychology into modern usage? Terms that originally had the neutral tone of professionalism, like moron and idiot, have become common playground insults.

And then there's the ever popular, "So-n-so is so neurotic!" Yep, I've used that one, too.

And some folks have created rules that can help get the ego out of the way like, focus on the action, not on the person. In Christianity that translates into "Love the person, hate the sin."

I think regardless of the rules and words we use, egotistical judgments can easily creep into our comments and the people we're aiming them at will notice it before we do.

Judging others comes out of feeling bad. It's a way of off-loading our bad feelings and it creates a nice little fiction for us: "I'm just fine, but So-n-so has problems!" We feel better and make up a story to support why we feel better.

So if we don't dump those feelings on others, what do we do with them?

We can acknowledge our feelings. And experience them. It feels bad to be left out, just like it feels bad to be judged. End of story.

That's discernment. It has integrity and it is enlightened.

When your true feelings have fully registered with you, they will move on. And the information that you receive from your true feelings will help you create a life you really want.

Copyright, 2005, Julia Stewart

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Topics: Coaching, Coaches, judgment, integrity

Servant Entrepreneur

Posted by Julia Stewart

We need a new definition of entrepreneurship: The Servant Entrepreneur, someone who always places service above profits. Like the Servant Leader, this is someone who is not in it for the perqs, but for the honor of doing service. Not for the ego rush, but the fulfillment of purpose.

When I say, "someone who always places service above profits", I don't mean that the Servant Entrepreneur is any less savvy as a business person; He/she's still and entrepreneur. But service is first.

Thomas Leonard was a Servant Entrepreneur (He also had a big ego that sometimes got in the way, so there's hope for us all!) Thomas doubled the value of Coach U every year without raising the price. He added value to Coachville members for the sheer joy of it - and he made a small fortune!

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that the Servant Entrepreneur may be the only business model that will deliver high-quality coaching and a profitable business, at the same time.

How can we become Servant Entrepreneurs? I believe it takes discipline to do it consistently. It may not always feel good. It may mean forgoing the intoxicating moments for the joy of fulfillment. And that means knowing the difference between the two, becoming aware of how each feels to you.

For me, spiritual fulfillment is a subtle inner knowingness, a joy that connects me to the whole world. Intoxication is that excited little buzz I feel that causes me to check my email at 7 AM on a Sunday morning!

Becoming a Servant Entrepreneur also may require asking yourself throughout your day, "What is motivating you? Who's in charge, your ego or your Self?" And not judging, if it's your ego, but choosing to put your ego in service of the world. This may mean shifting the way you think about your projects away from money-generating products toward value-generating products.

Instead of asking ourselves, "What do I want to do?", we may want to ask, "What does the world want or need that I'm excited to give?"

I believe that this discipline requires that we do not try to go it alone. Precisely because it is so easy to slip into ego-based desire without even knowing it. We need mentors who have mastered this (I'm not sure any have) or friends who are closely aligned with this value to hold us accountable, or spiritual teachers who know us very well.

We need to practice Servant Entrepreneurship, not just light a candle and hope for the best!

This is a big shift for most of us to make. Subtle but big. I'm attempting to orient myself around it, as an operating system. Please let me know if you think I'm missing the mark.

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Topics: Thomas Leonard, Servant Entrepreneur, Mattison Grey

Did Coaching Go Mainstream Without You?

Posted by Julia Stewart

I've been at odds with all the experts on this one for years and I read it again in Andrea Lee's book, Multiple Streams of Coaching Income,recently (which I recommend, btw).

Everybody who knows anything about coaching knows that coaching hasn't gone mainstream, yet, but when it does, it'll be really BIG. Have you heard that one?

Guess what? Coaching already went mainstream!

How do I know? For starters, I first heard about coaching on the Oprah show five years ago. Actually, I had heard of it previously, but it didn't sink in until Oprah did an entire series with Cheryl Richardson (every Tuesday, I think.) At the time, Oprah was the #1 TV show in the world (I think it still is, but I haven't looked that up). They even watch it in Saudi Arabia! That's as mainstream as it gets (and that was five years ago).

I remember telling Thomas this in an R&D class, when he asked "When do you think coaching will go mainstream?" "Coaching is already mainstream, now", I said. (I could tell he didn't believe me.) Who was I to tell Thomas anything about coaching? I was just green enough not to know any better! Sometimes it takes a neophite to notice something the experts are missing.

And every year that goes by, I get more right about this one.

In 2005, coaches aren't just guests on other people's TV shows, now they have their own shows. Rhonda Britton even has two shows on different continents!

And have you noticed how often coaching gets joked about in advertising, TV and movies? And did you know that there's an indie film out there called, Life Coach, the Movie? Did you know that thePurpose Driven Life, a run away best seller in the US, is a coaching book written by an evangelical minister?

I think coaches are resistant to this idea, because they've bought into the notion that when coaching goes mainstream, everyone will have a coach. Then, it'll be easy to get clients, right?

I think coach training schools further this notion. They train coaches. The coaches can't find clients. The coaches say, "Hey, what happened?" and the training schools say, "Just wait, when coaching goes mainstream, it'll be easy."

What if coaching went mainstream without you and you're still waiting for it to get easy?

So where are my clients then, you say? They're all around you. People want coaching. They want better lives, better careers, you name it! And some coaches are making money fast by offering people what they want.

What's my point, here? My point is that professionals (not just coaches) stop themselves from being successful, because they get too rigid an idea of how success is going to look. They keep waiting for success, their way, to show up, when success a thousand possible ways is going wanting.

I learned this as a personal trainer. Personal training is about 10 years ahead of coaching. I remember when nobody knew what it was. Some people still don't. But it hit the mainstream in the 90's. I was able to ride that wave, because I had learned that in fitness, you can't sell people what you think they need, you can only sell them what they want.

Big distinction!

I remember sitting in the back of a Pilates studio in Manhattan, where I was picking up and extra certification. My classmates were bemoaning the above distinction like they were doomed to failure, because of it. Then I shared the secret: "Once you've got them, you can educate them." Little lightbulbs went on all over the room!

My personal training clients come to me with very specific goals. They want to fit into the jeans they wore in college, for instance. Or they want to look like they did at eighteen. I don't lie to them. I tell them I can't turn them into eighteen year olds, but they can look great at 50. They're willing to accept that as a goal. Funny thing, though. They almost always say later, "I came because I wanted to look better, but the real reward is that I feel so much better." And they stay with me. I've had one client for fifteen years!

How does this translate into coaching? I'm not suggesting you pull a bait and switch. Don't promise to double their income and expect them to be satisfied with less stress. (That could happen, but don't plan on it.) Do find out what they want and what format they want it in. Will they buy a book, a motivational CD? Will they join a group that meets in your living room every week? Will they take a work-out class where the instructor slips in a little coaching? Will they take a series of classes that includes a coaching gym?

Once you've got them you can educate them.

What else can you do for them that they don't know about, yet? Do you know that chasing after dreams is almost never as fulfilling as living your values? People who haven't been coached, yet, don't (usually). Let them begin to learn that, while they're experiencing you in some other format. Offer to take them even further with it. Maybe that'll lead to one-to-one coaching. Maybe to another book. Who knows?

One thing is for sure. With seven billion people on the planet, you don't have time to coach them all one-to-one. Especially now that coaching has gone mainstream!

Copyright, Julia Stewart, 2005http://www.yourlifepart2.com/confab.htm

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Topics: Coaching, Thomas Leonard, OPRAH, Cheryl Richardson, Andrea Lee

Are You Stuck in the Green Meme?

Posted by Julia Stewart

Spiral Dynamics Coaching I've been fascinated by Spiral Dynamics, lately. It's a theory of human development that helps to explain people's paradigms, both individually and culturally. (You can read a brief synopsis of it in Ken Wilber's A Theory of Everything, or the whole enchilada in Spiral Dynamics by Don Edward Beck and Christopher C. Cowan.)

This theory neatly explains why people think what they do and why there is so much disagreement about values in today's world - and it's weirdly color coded.

Spiral Dynamics & Ken Wilber use the word, "meme", differently than we do as coaches. In SD, the word, "meme", closely resembles the word, "paradigm". It's a come-from more than an idea. Another term for this is, "meme complex" or value system.

So, SD organizes paradigms, or memes, into levels that are color coded. The dominant memes of Western Society are the Red Meme, which is war-like and features a "might makes right" ethic; the Blue Meme, which is based on absolute truths and is dominant in our major religions; the Orange meme, which is evidence- and material-based and is seen in science and corporate ethics; and the Green Meme, which is socially conscious, multi-cultural, and teaches that truths are relative and dominates in the social sciences and academia. SD arranges these memes in ascending order, with Red on the bottom and Green on top. There are other memes, as well, but these are currently the dominant ones.

One thing that all the above memes have in common, is that they tend to view each other as wrong. The reality is that individuals and cultures all need to pass through every stage in order to progress. But because they see each other as wrong, the world is suffering from a kind of global auto-immune meme disease.

Here's an example of that: in the US, we're currently divided between the "red" conservatives and the "blue" liberals. Those colors have nothing to do with Spiral Dynamics, but conservatives are basically of the Red warlike and Blue religious memes. Whereas liberals are of the Orange scientific and Green socially conscious memes. And each side thinks the other is nuts.

Ken Wilber says Cultural Creatives are primarily of the Green Meme and also that this meme rose to ascendancy with the Baby Boomer generation. I'm thinking that the Green Meme is pretty common amongst coaches. Do you agree?
Here's the hitch: There are levels above the Green Meme. In fact, there's a whole Second Tier of memes in SD that begins with the level above Green. And between Green and the next one up, the Yellow Meme, which is about "Flex & Flow", there is a huge leap in consciousness. This leap goes from thinking that everyone who doesn't subscribe your meme is wrong, to thinking that all the memes have value and must exist. In other words, it's all perfect.

I believe coaching, itself, belongs in the second tier. That you might see the value of coaching if you're in the Green Meme, but you won't really get it, until you're in the Yellow Meme. This may explain, at least in part, why there are frustrated coaches out there, because only a tiny fraction of society has reached the Second Tier. (They have research to back this up.)

[UPDATE 5-9-13: In a live teleclass, yesterday, Ken Wilber mentioned that research shows that 5% of the world's population has reached the 2nd Tier and that if current growth continues, it will be 10% within 10 years. Historically, when a new meme system takes hold in 10% of the population, a tipping point is reached, which results in immense cultural change. This may be good news, since today's global problems require an unprecedented degree of cooperation from the global population.]

[UPDATE 9-12-2016: In a private conversation, Paul Ray, the sociologist who conducted the original research that was shared in his popular book, Cultural Creatives, told me Ken Wilber was wrong about SD and Cultural Creatives. He said Cultural Creatives fit more fully with the so-called, 2nd Tier Turquoise Meme, which is often confused with Green. People thinking at Green are much more political and often become activists. Turquoise is more spiritual and has a deep connection and sense of Oneness with Earth. Instead of marching, they are more likely to be redesigning culture and redefining what it means to be human. Both levels are highly concerned about Climate Change, but respond differently to it.]

The problem with a coach who thinks on the level of the Green Meme is that they are not going to understand some important ideas at the heart level and that can get in the way of their success. They may get it cognitively, but not at the all-important Being level.

So, how do you know if you're stuck in the Green Meme? Well, I haven't done research on this, yet, but here are some possibilities:

Do you have trouble understanding some coaching concepts? (Like recognizing perfection in every situation or knowing that people are doing their very best, even when they're not. I don't mean intellectually, I mean really get it. That definitely requires Yellow or Turquoise Meme thinking)
Do you feel uncomfortable with business and marketing, or with making money? (that's Orange Meme territory - Remember, Yellow and Turquoise Memes appreciate all levels of thinking.)
Do you have a problem with competition? (you need to make peace with Orange Meme thinking)
Do you believe there can be no hierarchies and no absolutes? (Except the absolute that there are no absolutes? If so, you are definitely at Green and will have a big problem with Blue and Orange thinking)
Do your biases get in the way of your coaching many clients and do you get annoyed with people, because you know they are wrong? (then you are stuck somewhere in the first tier)

How do you make the shift to Second Tier thinking? Ah, that's where coaches come in! That's what many of us are in the business of: Helping people shift up to the Second Tier!

My prediction is that Green Meme coaches will have more difficulties with their career than will coaches thinking at the Yellow or Turquoise Memes. And it's a BIG shift. No wonder becoming a coach is such a huge transition!

Learn About "Spiral Dynamics Integral" Coaching

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Topics: Coaching, Spiral Dynamics, Ken Wilber, Don Beck, Second Tier, Cultural Creatives

Don't Stop to Play Tiddlywinks 'Til You're Finished Up in the Birthing Room

Posted by Julia Stewart

Great conversation in our first Confab! It left me with lots to think about ever since. I'm honored at the amazing group of coaches who have subscribed, so far, and can't wait to get back together with you! I already feel like twice a month isn't often enough, so I decided to set up a blog, so I'd have somewhere to go when the mood strikes. Originally, I'd planned a newsletter for this group, but a blog fits the conversational style far better. With a group of coaches this experienced and talented, the posts are bound to be mind-bending!

So the Tourist idea really struck a chord with a lot of coaches. Here's the first thing that surprised me: I knew pretty much all coaches go through this stage, but even many of the experienced coaches on the line confessed that they'd answered "yes" to most of the questions in my little questionaire. You know what? I can answer "yes" to a lot of them, too! Hmmm....that's pretty telling, isn't it?

The first question was a biggy: Is your primary criterion for making decisions about your coaching business always 'What's going to be most fun'? Great criterion for a tourist, maybe not so great for a business owner!

You know, I remember Thomas relishing the truth that building a new business can be hell, sometimes. And he did have the framework, Work is for joy. But notice the framework doesn't say, Work is for fun, or Play instead of work. It's Work is for joy. If the work you do is in service of your true calling, there will be great fulfillment and joy in store for you, but that doesn't mean you won't go through hell, sometimes. (This is a variation on the saying, If you're going through hell, keep going!)

Here's the best analogy I can think of. I've given birth once and thankfully, I was in labor only 7 1/2 hours. Still, through most of that time, I was exhausted, nauseated and in a lot of pain. It was a bizarre experience, because I'm a bit of a commitment-phobe and that's one time in my life that I found myself in the middle of something I really didn't like, but there was no way I could back out! However, if someone had offered me an alternative like, "Do you want to go do somethng fun, right now, or would you rather stay in labor for several more hours?", I would have been out of there in a flash! I'm not kidding. But of course, I would have missed out on the joys of having a daughter, wouldn't I?

Well, that's the problem with using fun for your criterion. Just when the going gets tough in your business, you can cop out and play Tiddlywinks! And again, that's why focus is so important. Your life purpose, your business plan, whatever you use to guide your days, will carry you through to your goals. Next time fun comes along to tempt you, ask yourself, "Joy and fulfillment or Tiddlywinks?"