| Definition |
Give full attention to the words, nuances, and the unspoken meaning of the client's communication and is more deeply aware of the client by listening beyond what the client is able to articulate. |
| Effect |
1. The client feels understood and validated — not judged.
2. The client communicates more effortlessly and resourcefully.
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| Key Elements |
1. The coach focuses on what the client expresses, both verbally and nonverbally.
2. The coach listens beyond what the client articulates.
3. The coach is alert to discrepancies between what the client is saying (words) and the client’s behavior and/or emotions.
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| Distinctions |
- listen for vs. listen to
- being aware of vs. preempting
- eliciting vs. leading
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| Effective Behaviors |
The coach:
1. Is silent or uses nominal cues to give the client the opportunity to reflect or respond.
2. Notices nuances in the client's communications.
3. Confirms the client’s communications, providing an opportunity for the client to review what he/she said.
4. Identifies discrepancies between what the client is saying (words) and the client’s behavior and/or emotions.
5. Discerns the appropriate coaching method to use based on the client’s needs and concerns.
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| Ineffective Behaviors |
The coach:
1. Interrupts inappropriately or talks over the client.
2. Does not allow productive silence (such as consistently speaking as soon as the client finishes speaking).
3. Misses the client’s deeper points in the communication.
4. Disregards something important.
5. Uses an approach that is generic and formulaic rather than adapting coaching methodology to the needs of the client.
6. Focuses on making his/her point vs. listening to the client’s communication at multiple levels.
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| Measures |
1. The client's tone and flow of ideas becomes more open and effortless.
2. The client has adequate time to process thoughts and discoveries.
3. The coach confirms the client’s unspoken communication, as appropriate.
4. The client confirms the coach's observations of unspoken communication.
5. The coach uses silence at the right times and for an effective duration.
6. The coach does not lead the client in any particular direction. |
| Common Mistakes Coaches Make |
- Thinking the coach has to speak when the client is quiet – being uncomfortable with silence.
- Assuming the coach knows what the client means.
- Being nervous/trying to figure out the “right” thing to do as a coach.
- Focusing on what to say next, while the client is still talking.
- Not noticing or acknowledging when the client’s manner of expressing does not match the content or emotion of what they are talking about (such as laughing when talking about how angry they are).
- Not listening for the deeper meaning in what the client is saying – accepting it at face value, not looking below the surface level of communication. |
| Indicators the Coach Understands the Mastery |
- The coach does not rely on only one or two methods/models of coaching. Rather, the coach adapts the coaching methodology and strategy, as needed, for the client.
- The coach is comfortable with silence during the coaching session, recognizing the client is processing information even when quiet.
- The coach understands that silence can be an effective coaching technique.
- The coach focuses on the client’s needs, not on the coach’s “performance”.
- The coach recognizes his or her own patterns of thoughts, as well as the client’s. |